Suspending Concentration

Documenting my state: two computers, a mobile, a camera, 2 hand beamers that don't want to read my SD card, an SD card, a lamp, a piece of paper, a pencil, an empty notebook to be used as a surface to project on (also a photograph of a cliff and feet, a mirror, a window, a glass vase, more photographs of me). My vimeo account is full, my attempt at premiere pro was to render a .avi file which no program wants to read or upload (I'm assuming). I squeeze hours in between everything else, yet have the feeling I'm not really doing everything else like I could be. Corona makes me angry not at confinement but because I can't get anything done, I am in a constant state of being distracted and feeling guilty when i'm not. How to make a video small enough to fit in this template-blog? The design of this blog is too pretty for me. How can I make it messy with my mess? break up the orderliness of it because that is nothing like the process has been? how to make a website or a page that reaches out from it to other photos/videos, not by links but by hidden windows? Reaching out like branches of a tree that support and strangle (if you want them to); I am made up of my ancestors and my children, only my husband is not related by blood which is maybe why we keep losing grip. if I suspend from the tree, from the rope I am in-between, my natural state, state of transitions between distractions, duties, roles. I am not angry at the stones in the ground that are remnants of mountains but at the blocks of cement some guy put there to build his house upon. Roots wrap around them, strangle them in their own way. I dig, yell and shovel them out.